One of the biggest social issues being debated right now by candidates running for the office of President of the United States of America is the topic of abortion of the unborn baby. Many of them are pro-choice and feel threatened by the possibility of the Roe v. Wade law being overturned, so restricting pregnant women and girls from getting abortions. These individuals want to make sure they don’t lose this right to abortion and are doing everything within their power to ensure that right. I thank God for states like Alabama, Louisiana, and others that have passed laws banning abortion in an effort to protect the life of the unborn baby. I would love to see many more states adopt this same ban on abortion.

I wish there were more individuals with strong Christian values in politics today. If that had been the case, then maybe the moral values of this country would not have had a chance to plunge to such an all-time low. Unfortunately, the church left it largely up to the secular world to chisel out our laws until now we have so many moral issues on our hands.

In defending a woman’s right to abortion, I heard one presidential candidate argue that a woman should have the right to do whatever she wants with her own body. My response to her is, “What about the life and body of that innocent, defenseless, and totally vulnerable little baby nestling deep within his or her mother’s womb and looking to her for daily sustenance and protection? What about his or her rights? Life is sacred, even from the moment of conception. Who is going to protect that innocent life who came to be there through no fault of its own? Who knows? That child could, one day, make all the difference in your life!”

Many years ago, long before I came to this country, and long before I met the man to whom I am married today, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I allowed myself to be pressured into aborting the baby I was carrying. I was just about six weeks pregnant and even though I hadn’t planned on getting pregnant, I was excited though a bit nervous when I learned of my pregnancy. When I shared this news with the father of my baby, he insisted that I get an abortion. I didn’t want to but reluctantly gave in. I told him that I would regret that decision for the rest of my life, and I have. I have lived with guilt and remorse ever since. Why did I allow myself to go through with it even though I obviously didn’t want to? The answer is simple. I was afraid! I was afraid to stand up for myself and to say, “No!” I was afraid of conflict. I was afraid that he would not be there for me if I made the decision on my own to keep the baby. I was afraid of the disapproval that I would receive from family, friends, and my church family when they found out that I was having a baby outside of marriage.

For years, I have wanted to speak out against abortion but how could I when I am guilty of the same thing? I would feel like a hypocrite. I couldn’t speak out against it without coming clean about my own past, a past that I have been so ashamed of and so torn up inside about. I have long confessed my sins to God and received His forgiveness but I have never confided with anyone about it because I was too ashamed to speak about it. There is no excuse for what I did and I have felt nothing but guilt and remorse ever since. I robbed my child out of a life of his own and a chance to make a difference in this world.

I know that many individuals will be disappointed to learn that I have not been as faithful as they thought I was but I cannot keep silent any longer while this genocide of the unborn continues. I know many will look down upon me with scorn for what I did and many of those whose approval I have always sought will look upon me with disapproval in their eyes and may no longer want to have anything to do with me, but that’s ok. I cannot stay silent any longer. I must make an effort to appeal to the common decency of society in defense of our most vulnerable, the life of the unborn baby. I can no longer allow my fears or my discomfort to lead my decisions. God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, of love and a sound mind. It is time to stand up boldly and do what is right.

I know that my voice is a very small one and that I have little or no influence at all with the direction that this country is going in but I hope to appeal on a personal level to the hearts of all women and young girls considering abortion. Don’t do it! Abortion should only be considered in a matter of life or death of the mother carrying the baby. Even then, it should be a last resort. Every effort should be made to save both the lives of the mother and baby.

There are so many alternatives to abortion. You could give the baby up for adoption or leave him/her with the hospital staff after birth. They will find a home for your baby. A relative might also be willing to help you raise the child or simply take the child and raise him or her as their own. For the women and young girls who are pregnant and do not have a place to live or the support of family or friends, you could find help and support at one of many residential programs for homeless pregnant and parenting moms.

I cringe with deep pain and regret when I think about the poor, defenseless, innocent and vulnerable baby being torn apart, limb by limb, from its mother’s womb with no one to protect or to advocate on its behalf. It is so important to educate women and girls about what they are doing, that these babies are precious lives even from the moment of conception. If I had known this many years ago, then just maybe I would not have acted upon the wishes of the father of my unborn baby, and, just maybe that child would have been here today with children of his/her own. I was just a few weeks pregnant but… If only I had known then what I know now… I wish that someone had been there to stop me.

Why did I listen to him…? I was not a teenager and should have known better! What was I thinking? I told him that I would regret it for the rest of my life. So why then did I go through with it? That was my conscience speaking so why didn’t I listen? Shouldn’t that have been reason enough to stop me? I obviously didn’t want to abort that life inside of me so, why did I?

The answer boils down to the fact that I was nothing but a coward! I was afraid of a confrontation with him, and I was afraid of the harsh treatments that I would possibly receive from my church family when they learned of my pregnancy outside of marriage. Anything though would have been better than what I did. Two wrongs do not make one right. I was trying to cover up my sin but what I ended up doing was sink myself deeper. I tried to please people rather than God who sees and knows everything.

Why didn’t God knock some common sense into my head before I made such a horrible mistake? Why didn’t he stop me? The answer is simple. God gave us free will. He taught us the difference between right and wrong and admonished us to choose the path of righteousness but many of us instead choose the path of least resistance. If we listen to our conscience it would make all the difference in the world. I didn’t listen to mine because I was afraid of how others would perceive me when my pregnancy began to show. I can no longer allow fears to guide me though. I must do the courageous thing and stand up for what is right. I have chosen, up until this point, not to join in the fight against abortion, not because I don’t care but because it would mean coming clean about what I had done and to put it out there for the whole world to judge me and to condemn me.

It is never right to abort the life of an unborn baby no matter the circumstances under which you find yourself pregnant. I cringe inwardly with such shame and remorse every time my husband speaks out against abortion because I too am guilty.

In one issue of the O Magazine, Oprah Winfrey published an article entitled, “Shout Your Abortion!” My question is, “How does one shout one’s abortion?” That would suggest that you are proud of your action! But how? I have the opposite reaction. I hang my head in shame every time I think about my own experience with abortion. How can anyone have such total disregard for the life of the innocent? How can one’s heart not break, especially when they consider the fact that late term abortion involves taking the life of a baby that appears no less developed than a newborn? I imagine the blood of these innocent little ones cry out to God continually to have mercy upon them and upon all those in danger of a similar fate. One would have had to have her conscience seared, as with a hot iron, in order to stand up and be proud of her abortions! How can you not feel anything? How can you not feel remorse? Or shame? How can you be proud of abruptly ending the life of that totally defenseless and vulnerable baby nestling deeply in your womb and so innocently trusting you to love, cherish, protect and defend him/her with your own life?

In my situation, the person who fathered my baby called a doctor, made all the arrangements then gave me his name and address. He did not accompany me to the doctor’s office and neither was he there for me over the following weeks and months to support me as I went through a period of great emotional torment, dealing with the guilt of what I had done. He never called or visited me after that. Why should he? I had served my purpose so he simply moved on to his next conquest.

I have spent a lot of time wishing that I could go back and change everything. If this were possible, I would make the right decision. I would have chosen to give life to my child and to love and protect him or her with everything in me. If I could go back, I would carry my child to full term and raise him/her as a single mother if I had to. I know now my parents and siblings would have stood by me and that God would have made a way for me somehow. He would have forgiven me and would have provided for us, but… It’s too late now. I cannot go back. I can only learn from my mistakes and move forward.

I can only hope that sharing my story and pointing out my mistakes will help others not to make the same mistakes. I pray that it will help those in a similar situation to do the right thing and choose to give their babies life. I messed up but they don’t have to. I wasn’t a very good example of what a Christian should be until Jesus revealed Himself to me in a dream in November 2011. My life has never been the same since. My life up until that point was one big mess but seeing Jesus standing in the clouds with a gigantic nail protruding from the top of each foot, suddenly put everything into perspective. Now I live only to serve Him and to sing His praises. My prayer is that each individual pushing for abortion and every woman or young girl contemplating abortion will have their own personal encounter with God and experience a sudden change of heart.

I am truly sorry for all those mistakes that I have made, and pray that all the women and girls out there contemplating abortion will not make the same mistake that I have, but will instead be empowered to make the only right decision there is concerning this matter. That decision is to “CHOOSE LIFE” for their unborn babies. I encourage you today to be strong! Do the courageous thing and choose life for your precious unborn baby! They can’t speak for themselves! They cannot run away! They can’t stand up and defend themselves, and their cries go unheard! They are totally and completely at your mercy! Protect them and nourish them like only you can and give them a chance to prepare themselves for their triumphant entry into this world!

Email any questions to me at gweneidukonis@hotmail.com or leave a comment below.