I was totally unprepared and very devastated when I learned of my firstborn’s special needs. I didn’t know how to take care of a child with Down syndrome and a heart disease and I ached for her and what she would endure in life as a result of her disability.  Despite her diagnosis, I looked at Brenda and saw beauty and perfection.  She was a beautiful and precious bundle of joy, a gift from God that was simultaneously bitter and sweet.  She stole my heart right from the start.

I was robbed of the pleasure of raising my little angel because her health was even more delicate than I had realized. She was four weeks old when she caught the RSV virus and spent the next six months battling for her life in a Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.  She breathed her last breath at the tender age of seven months.  There are no words that could adequately describe my grief at her loss or the sufferings I endured as I waited by her bedside day after day and watched her slowly deteriorate knowing there was nothing I could do to lessen her pain and discomfort.  I will always cherish the moments I spent with her, loving her, comforting her, and praying for her.

Praise to God the Almighty who blessed me with a second chance at motherhood ten years later! My joys knew no bounds as I held my beloved Ashley in my arms for the first time and as my heart danced joyfully inside my bosom.  What a delightful bundle of joy she was!  She was the picture of perfection, another one of God’s beautiful masterpieces.

Being a mother is not easy and I don’t always do or say the right thing. I know, however, that everything that I do for my children is driven by love and that with the help of God, it will all work out. I never knew how resilient and tenacious I was or the huge capacity to love that I have until I became a mother. Becoming a mother helps me to discover myself and to give selflessly to meet the needs of my children.  When our children suffer, we suffer along with them.  When they are happy and joyful, we laugh with them and share in their joy.  When they mess up, we patiently and lovingly correct them and steer them in the right direction.

The best gifts we can give to our children are our love, an abundance of our time, attention, and to train them up in the wisdom and knowledge of God. Spending time with my daughter creating special memories, listening to her, encouraging her, letting her know how special she is, that she can talk to me about anything and that I will always be there for her mean a lot more to her than any material thing that I could ever give her.  Ashley makes it abundantly clear to me that the two things she desires of me above anything else are more of my time and my undivided attention.  I don’t think this is too much to ask. Do you?  I treasure every moment we spend together and offer no apology for making room for significantly more quality time with her.